“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”–Matthew 11:28
I was blessed to stumble across this amazing piece of poetry today. In my “Kissless ‘Till Next Christmas” ministry, you have only had the opportunity to hear from my female perspective. Jeff Bethke does an amazing job of articulating my same message from a male perspective. Please take the time to listen and watch.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” –Jeremiah 29:11
Have you ever found yourself at a place in life where you are stuck in transition? Maybe you are there now. In between two phases of life: the time between college graduation and the start of a career–the time between two jobs after a layoff–the time between relationships–the time between two decisions. No matter the circumstance, it’s a state of “in-between”, an adjustment period, that we often find ourselves resting in. A movement away from the familiar and the known–a movement into change and uncertainty. While the lucky handful can move through these transitions quickly, we often find that this phase is the toughest, most confusing time. Not only is there uncertainty moving forward, but there is also a lack of passion and drive. When you’re not sure which direction the “light at the end of the tunnel” is coming from, how do you know which way to look?
Lately, this “phase” of in-between has been a recurring theme amongst so many of my friends, as well as amongst some of the individuals I disciple. And while everyone’s individual scenarios are different and unique, the general theme of discontent has remained constant. In listening to each of them share their hearts, I began to realize a few key things: #1. We are all so human. No matter where we are in our walks as believers, we are all so deeply human–struggling with the same emotions, insecurities, conflicts, and self-serving mentalities. #2. As humans, it is so easy to get tripped up and tangled in these mentalities. It is our nature to allow ourselves to become fixated–whether it be on positive triggers or negative triggers. We are creatures of habit. #3. Thank goodness we serve a fantastic King that has immeasurable patience and loves us so passionately. Because… #4. So many of us get lost in the “in-between”. (Myself definitely included!)
As I prayed and prayed over the matter, I dug into the Word and was immediately humbled by such a familiar verse. A verse that we often list off, but may not fully understand at times. As we’ve discussed before, the Bible is the living, breathing Word of God. In every circumstance, a passage can take on new light, new meaning. It is up to us to drown ourselves in the dialog of our King and open our hearts to His truth and His will. It is up to us to nourish ourselves with the Word so that, at a moments notice, we can pour His truth into others with conviction and love. Jeremiah 29:11 carries such beauty and truth.
When caught in an “in-between” in life, it’s easy to stand stagnant in our faith. After all, with so much else to figure out and take in, it seems harmless to put our pursuit of Christ on the back-burner for a while. He understands, right? There is too much else going on. Too much that needs to be organized, too much that needs to be sorted out, too many other decisions to be made. Once we are comfortable again with life’s circumstances, we can pick back up where we left off in our faith…right?
If you were dating someone who you were really serious about and truly wanted to build a relationship with, that would consume a great deal of your time and attention, yes? Text messages, calls, dates, conversations, meals together, activities together–you would genuinely enjoy that person’s company and work to maintain a healthy relationship with them. Now let’s say you’ve been getting more and more serious with them and they have been reciprocating the affection and love. They have been doting over you, loyal to you, fun, communicating well…all signs point to this being a fantastic relationship. Then one day everything stops. They don’t call, they don’t text, they don’t come over. They won’t return your messages, they won’t respond to you on facebook, they won’t even make eye contact when you see them. When you go over to their house to try to talk, they don’t answer the door, they don’t let you in. You are left completely in the dark. When you finally do hear from them, all you get is an “I’m busy.” “I’ve got more important things to do.” “I’ve got too much going on.” 2 months pass–haven’t heard from them. 4 months pass–haven’t heard from them. 6 months pass and all of a sudden the phone rings. Your text message inbox fills up, your facebook status feed blows up, that person is back at your door with a smile on their face, prepared to pick right back up where you left off. Is that relationship going to be the same immediately?–No. They haven’t invested an ounce of time or attention or interest in you for half a year. They haven’t loved you–they deserted you–too wrapped up in the stress and worry of their own lives to even care to acknowledge you. And while we are BLESSED to serve a God that infinitely loves us, patiently waits for us, and instantly forgives us–the point of the matter is that if we ignore him when He’s inconvenient for us, we lose time to learn more about Him and grow in our love for Him. He knows us inside and out, but we cheat ourselves of time to know Him better and love Him more. And if we are cheating while He is loyal, how is that a healthy relationship?
God never brings us to a place to “shelf us” for a while, until He needs us again. He never places us in storage or abandons us. Every single circumstance and every single phase we find ourselves in, throughout our lives, is perfectly constructed by God to be used for His glory. Our greatest growth often occurs through our greatest struggles. Imagine the growth we could achieve in our relationship with Christ if we remained faithful to Him during the most uncertain times. Are our relationships amongst one another not strengthened in the same way? Faithfulness, devotion, trust, support, attention, love. These are all qualities that build solid relationships amongst people–so what is any different when it comes to building a solid, loving relationship with Christ? I think it is easy to get caught up in the “here and now” of daily life. Especially when we hit awkward seasons–phases of transition, phases of uncertainty, phases of confusion, phases of “in-between”. But newsflash: in those times, who can offer you greater faithfulness, devotion, trust, support, attention, and love than the perfect, magnificent God that created every inch of you?!
I think it is normal to take loved ones for granted at times. I know I have. I have done it since I was young. It wasn’t until about 3 years ago that I really started noticing that my behavioral patterns with my family weren’t ideal. You see, when I am in public or around friends and acquaintances, I always strive to put my best foot forward. I strive to wear a smile and keep a positive energy and a positive attitude. To be totally honest, that can get a little draining. I’m not trying to insinuate that I’m “fake” when I’m out and about, I just genuinely enjoy bringing positivity with me and seeing people smile…nothing makes me happier than hearing laughter. I’ve never been a fan of drama, so I make an effort to let those around me experience the best of me–you never know whose life you may be touching. With all of that said, it’s hard to run on a full tank 24/7. So when do I shut down and recharge? Either in my alone time or when I’m with family. After all, they are the ones who know me best–they know my heart, they know how I tick, they know my intentions. The only problem with that is that when I shut down, I get grumpy. I get snide and a stubborn and bossy. I’m human too after all, and I admittedly can be quite the handful sometimes. I need to vent. I need to reboot, I need to let loose some pent-up tension. So who bears the brunt of my darker side?–the people I love the most. Do they tolerate me with patience and grace–every time. Do they love me unconditionally–without a doubt. Do they always selflessly support me–without fail. But is that fair to them–absolutely not. Is that loving–not at all. Is that nourishing to our relationships–no way. So why then, did I always pick those times to reboot and to let out my frustration? BECAUSE I KNEW THEY WOULD LOVE ME NO MATTER WHAT.
Man, talk about a sad mentality. I’m almost ashamed to admit that I fall victim to that mindset at times. But then again, don’t we all? And haven’t we ALL when it comes to our relationship with God? It is easy to take for granted the things that we know are constant and unfailing in our lives. ”It’s no big deal, God will love me anyways.” “I know this is the wrong decision, but God will forgive me.” “God will understand if I focus on this issue for a while instead of focusing on Him first.” It’s so sad because it’s so true. We rationalize all the time. Especially when we are stuck in “in-between” phases in life. But those times are the times God longs for us the most. Those times are the times that He wants to use us. Those times are the time He wants to teach us and to challenge us and to help us grow!
So step back and take a look at where you are right now. Are you lost in the “in-between”? Are you working to figure things out on your own the best you can and forgetting that God wants nothing more than to reveal to you all the answers? Stop. Put God First. Pursue God now. Run towards Him as fast as you can. Take a look at Jeremiah 29:11. He is promising you that He wants you to prosper and that He plans to give you hope and a future. It may not come in the exact package you ordered. It may look very different from what you expected. But put your faith in Him, put your trust in Him.Don’t take God’s love for granted, don’t cheat Him. Love Him now like you love Him when everything is going well. Seek His face–seek His guidance. He longs to love you NOW.
There is no “in-between”. There is here and now. And there is God, always.
Picking up again, let’s continue to dig into what it looks like to be a Godly man. I realize this study is taking quite a while, so I am going to begin to pick up the pace a bit. After all, I am still eager to break down what it looks like to be a Godly woman, as well as what Godly relationships should look like! There is so much, still, to cover. However, I appreciate you all continuing to follow. The feedback I have been receiving from both men and women, alike, has been so beautiful. I am humbled in your interest and so affirmed that the words decorating this blog are inspired by and blessed by God. So, if you are just joining, take a look at parts 1 through 5 of this study before you read this portion. But here goes…
“Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task. 2 Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to but one wife, temperate, self-controlled…
…respectable, hospitable…
Chivalry is dead. How many times have we heard this saying? It’s become an all-too-familiar mantra in our society. But who’s to blame? Who’s responsible for the murder? Are the men to blame…or the women? And is chivalry truly lost–or is it harbored in us all, stifled by the norms of our culture–left unlearned and uncultivated?
My opinion: I blame the women. And I blame the men. But I don’t blame them for the death of chivalry–I blame them for giving life to the silly phrase. For exacerbating the problem. For giving in rather than rising up and requiring more. Is chivalry dead–no. Is it wounded–MOST DEFINITELY. And who’s truly to blame for that–Satan. Before you dismiss me as crazy, give me a chance to explain. You may find that I support your side of the argument, after all.
Throughout this entire study of what it looks like to be a Godly man, one of the most prevalent reoccurring themes is that living for the glory of God is NOT easy. I’m not trying to fool anyone here. It’s tough stuff striving to live a righteous life. We fail a lot; both men and women alike. We are fallible, we are human. That’s our nature. Fortunately, we are saved by grace. And every time we fall, God gives us the opportunity to stand up, brush ourselves off, and start fresh with a clean slate. We can never fail too many times, His love is unconditional. He is always prepared to forgive us and always proud to love us. That’s what Jesus Christ’s sacrifice did for us.
So why, with all that said, do we not capitalize on that forgiveness and that grace? It is offered to us in limitless quantity. Yet when we stumble and we fall, we settle for a life in the dirt. Is it guilt that binds us? Is it fear? Guilt and fear aren’t in God’s dictionary–so why do we allow them to be in bold in ours? This portion of the 1 Timothy verse addresses a man’s responsibility to be respectable and hospitable. Two terms that many may argue are framework terms to define chivalry. They are powerful requirements, they are character attributes that take work and commitment. Yet God calls us to strive for them. So why do we settle for less?–because Satan makes anything “less” SO much easier.
It’s no secret that our society’s view on manners and behavior have drastically changed over time. Men used to open doors for women. Now women kick down doors for themselves. Men used to court women patiently and lovingly. Now Vegas offers quicky-weddings and quicky-enullments in a package deal. Women used to respect themselves enough to hold on to their purity until their wedding day. Now we have middle schoolers pressured to have sex to feel accepted and popular–to “keep up” with society around them. I don’t mean to be crude–I mean to be REAL.
I’m going to be painfully direct, blunt, and straightforward here. So if you don’t want a harsh reality check then skip the next two paragraphs. This is going to call out men and women, alike–no one is safe. Men: get over yourselves and man up. For real, man up. Stop settling for what’s easy. Stop settling for what’s temporary and fast because you don’t want to put work in. You’re weak if that’s how you function through life. The quick-route requires low integrity, low discipline, and low self-esteem. I don’t care if that’s what the rest of the world praises and exaggerates. I don’t care if that’s what your friends or your teammates or your buddies are doing. Grow a set and be different. Set a better example. Stop numbing yourself and be a REAL man. There’s no more “This is fun now while I’m in college, I’ll man up later when it matters…” Man-up now. It matters NOW. You have the power to be a real leader. You have the power to inspire. You have the opportunity to experience grace and be strengthened in Christ. Stop trying so hard to control it all on your own–you’re not good at it.
Women: it’s not all the men’s fault. We are just as big of messes as they are. Stop making it easy for them. Stop settling–better DOES exist. Stop giving to the temporary and start valuing yourself. Snap out of the self-esteem issues–there are people that are much worse off than you. There are people who are truly suffering. You comparing your beauty to other women’s beauty and then giving yourself up to men in order to feel desired–it’s a tired routine. You are worth a King’s life. Start living like that carries value to you. Start living like it matters to you that Jesus Christ died for you. We are fallible humans that are easily tempted. Stop teasing men. How can we expect them to treat us with chivalry and respect and hospitality if we are tempting them and teasing them and inviting their imaginations to wander? If that’s what makes you feel better about yourself, I feel bad for you. Have some self respect. If you want more from men, there has to be a give and take. RESPECT THEM BY RESPECTING YOURSELF, FIRST.
Satan is having so much fun with our world. He is tearing it down, bit by bit, and celebrating our society’s slide towards heathenism and self-obsession. What adds fuel to his fire?–When we confirm his corruption by feeding into phrases like “Chivalry is dead.” Chivalry is NOT dead. Nor will it ever be. They may be few and far between, but there ARE men out there who are striving to live righteous lives. There ARE men out there who are holding fast to what the Bible asks of them and who ARE respectable and hospitable…and temperate, and self-controlled, and faithful, and all of the above. Have those men lived perfect lives? NO! Have they never slipped of failed or denied Christ? Of course not! Nobody is perfect. But there are men who desire to be BETTER. I believe that with my whole heart. If you are one of those men, you have my respect. You may be different…you may stand out…you may not be accepted as easily because you make different choices than the average man. There is NOTHING wrong with that. In fact, celebrate it! Because YOU are a real man–and you will be rewarded. I can promise that because our King promises us that.
Stay encouraged, men. Fight the good fight of faith. And stay encouraged, women. The less we settle, the more it requires of men. You deserve the best, so require the best. Don’t let that self-worth waver. Men and women, if we want to improve this world, if we want to be a generation of change and righteous growth, we HAVE to require MORE from one another. We HAVE to hold one another responsible and we have to be unashamed of standing out–no matter how much scrutiny or doubt or criticism we fall under. Chivalry is very much alive because the words of the Bible are very much alive–nothing should ever shake our belief in that.
(to be continued…)
So how is it, then, that we can be 100% righteous in our POSITION, but must constantly strive towards righteousness in our CONDITION? We understand that the Bible is our “How To” guide on EXACTLY what a righteous life looks like, but how can we be both ‘all’ and ‘nothing’ at the same time?
Let’s first understand the righteousness of our POSITION in Christ. As you saw on the graph, when we open our hearts to the understanding of God’s love and accept Jesus Christ, we are saved. And IMMEDIATELY, our righteousness shoots up to 100% and remains there until we die. This is because, when we truly believe in the Son of God and believe in the opportunity of salvation, we are FILLED with the Holy Spirit! We spoke about this before–we are emptied of ourselves and we are filled with the Spirit! We are saved and our souls are sealed and protected from that point on. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Wow…WOW. So when this occurs, when we make the conscious choice to believe, we are 100% righteous in God’s eyes. How? Because He no longer sees us. He sees His Son in us. And His Son, Jesus Christ, is completely righteous. So, in God’s eyes, our souls are 100% righteous and we are instantaneously forgiven. Forgiven for everything…forgiven for our past, forgiven for our present, forgiven for our sins to come. THAT is the power of Jesus Christ and what His life did for us. It offers every single person on this earth LIMITLESS forgiveness and grace, if they simply believe. It offers us a seat next to the CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE for all of eternity. All it takes is one simple choice on our parts–a simple recognition that our life is far greater than ourselves. A simple recognition that we are nothing without Him. A simple recognition that His sacrifice was not in vain, but was for the protection and freedom of our souls. With that simple recognition, we are saved. We are made anew and our lives here on earth can’t help but forever be changed.
Now we understand that our POSITION in Christ is unshakable. We are 100% righteous, we are filled with the Holy Spirit, and we are saved. Every single one of us who chooses to believe. Why then, does the righteousness of our CONDITION seem so volatile and inconsistent?
The answer to that lies in a topic we discussed before–our flesh. We are human. Every single one of us. And, since we are human, we are stuck in a form that is sinful. On top of THAT, we live in a world that is a whirlpool of sin! So we are stuck in a body that loves to sin, living in a world that sin thrives. Crap. We are 0 for 2 right off the bat. (Which should make you even MORE grateful that His forgiveness is offered so unconditionally, because without Him and His grace, we would be screwed from the get-go.) It is literally impossible to live an entire life free of sin. Jesus Christ was the only man who ever has and ever will be capable of that. Should that deter us from trying? Absolutely not. And if you are truly filled with the Holy Spirit, the thought of just throwing in the towel and saying “Oh well, I’m saved anyways. No point in trying to fight these urges to sin…” shouldn’t even cross your mind. Because, as believers, we must recognize the importance of our role on this earth.
We must live our lives, every minute of every day, working to thin that sinful flesh and grow in our level of righteousness. We must strive, constantly, to live more and more like Christ. Will we mess up? Yes. Will we be discouraged? Constantly. Will we be criticized and judged and put down? Every single day. Should we allow that to affect us? NO WAY! 
You see, this line of righteousness is so inconsistent because we, as humans, are inconsistent. And we are surrounded by temptation, lust, desire, greed, sin, and everything earthly, impure, and temporary. And, unfortunately, we are surrounded by people who buy into all of that and can’t grasp the concept that it’s all empty. But should we allow those people, who act in ignorance and unbelief, to affect us?…Or should we take the opportunity to share God’s love and grace and affect THEM? (I choose plan B!)
Lives can be changed and people can be saved if we, as believers, can be brave enough and bold enough in our faith to constantly strive towards righteousness in our condition and let God’s light shine on others. We, as humans, are the primary vessels for God’s light to other humans. That is the importance of our level of righteousness in our condition. If we can strive to live more like Christ, then Christ’s light will be able to reflect through us. Through our actions, through our words, through our relationships, through everything. And we won’t even always be aware of it! We can affect more people than we will ever know if we simply look in a mirror and work on ourselves. If we simply open the Bible, understand the words, and work really hard to apply them.
IT’S NOT OUR JOB TO IMPRESS GOD. He already views us as 100% righteous. He recognizes we will mess up. He recognizes we will sin. He recognizes we can’t do it perfectly. But our seat in heaven is assured. We don’t have to “prove” anything to Him. It is impossible to “gain favor” with God. We are already saved and assured salvation when we accept His Son. IT IS OUR JOB TO BE GRATEFUL FOR THAT UNBELIEVABLE SALVATION AND TO ALLOW HIM TO USE US FOR HIS WILL. It IS our job to work to thin our flesh. It IS our job to turn away from the darkness and strive towards the light. To humble ourselves and recognize we are nothing without Him. It IS our job to set an example for others and to teach as much as we can. To WALK THE WALK, not just TALK THE TALK. To grow and to learn and to live for HIM!
The level of our righteousness in our CONDITION is largely determined by us. And it is completely indicative of the depth of our faith and our commitment to God’s will. We aren’t trying to impress God, we are trying to show Him to others. We are His vessels. We are his tools. We are His children. And it’s our job to take even the slightest bit of the burden Jesus Christ carried and GLORIFY HIM!
So let’s stop making excuses. Let’s strive to thin that flesh. Let’s strive to improve our condition. Let’s strive to glorify Him and serve Him. To thank Him for the undeserved, unbelievable grace that He offers us. Let’s strive to live righteous lives!
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9
I have never been fearful of the future. Like many, I have had apprehensions, questions, concerns, and desires. But, I think so many of us are so eager to see what is next, we forget to live in the moment and appreciate the “now.” So anxious to seek immediate gratification and see the fruits of our labor, that we forget to appreciate the journey. There are massive transitional phases in all of our lives: the movement from middle school to highschool, the movement from highschool to college, the movement from college to the “real world”. Transitions from workplaces, the leap of marriage, the transition to parenthood, among countless others. All of which involve change, vulnerability, and a step into the “unknown.” A lot of times we want to execute these transitions perfectly, and I found my circumstance no different entering into my senior year of college. I wanted to control every minute of my time–dictate my future, iron out my plans, call all of the shots when it came to planning my future. But, God had a different game plan. And He wasn’t shy to coach me…
After recognizing His request for the next level of control, I found myself humbled in thought. I continued to pray, asking Him to make clear His plans. It was a shot in the dark, but I was hoping He would at least give me a little feedback. Without hesitation, He flooded my heart in a sea of realizations. Realizations that, up until that point, I had refused to acknowledge and come to terms with. I quickly came to realize that, though I knew He had forgiven me, long ago, for my sins and my dark past, I had yet to truly forgive myself. I carried my guilt like a sac full of weights and allowed it to slow me in my pursuit of Him. He made it clear to me that what He desired was a fast. An intimacy fast. Though I knew close to nothing about the concept of fasting, He assured me that He would teach me. He simply asked that I oblige, and He promised He would make His purpose clear in time. He made clear to me that, in accepting His challenge to complete the year-long intimacy fast, I would not only grow closer to Him, but I would also grow closer to my own heart. It was not going to be easy, by any stretch, but He laid on my heart the purpose my journey would serve and the impact it would have on others.
So, after a great deal of thought, I entered back into prayer with my King and accepted. I willingly gave Him the next level of control and I promised Him my loyalty. Promised Him that I would show Him a mere crumb of the faithfulness He had always shown me. In my ignorance, I guess, I expected that to be the end of such a fantastic moment. I suppose I assumed that He would smile on me and I would continue on my way to Baton Rouge, left to figure out the rest in time. But, low and behold, He almost startled me when He spoke AGAIN!…
Now go. Tell everyone. Tell everything.
What?! Tell everyone?! EVERYTHING? What kind of test was this? I had already accepted His challenge of an intimacy fast, which was going to be tough enough, and now He wanted me to tell everyone? Everything!? I soon found myself back in a one-sided argument. I couldn’t believe that He wanted me to share everything. My past, my present, my future. There was so much pain, so much vulnerability, so many embarrassing mistakes. He couldn’t possibly be asking me to share everything. Who would even care to listen? (Again, I’m amazed at the patience of our King ) I must have rambled on for an hour about every fear and apprehension I had in regards to laying everything out there for the world to know. Where was my sense of privacy? Wasn’t my walk supposed to be kept between myself and my King? If You are desiring intimacy, why are You asking me to open the door for everyone to look inside? After again exhausting myself in thought, I stopped. Finally just stopped and listened again. Hoping, deep down, He would change His mind and ask for something a little bit easier…
Now go. Tell everyone. Tell everything.
Well, there was no dodging that bullet. haha. So I took a moment, sat back, and reminded myself of the prayer I had prayed just a few miles back. “I love You. Help me to love You more. I know You. Help me to know You more.” He was answering my prayer. Maybe not in the form or fashion that I had envision, but, then again, our lives are not our own pictures to paint.
So I accepted. I accepted His request for the next level of control. I accepted His challenge of an intimacy fast. I accepted His request for my journey to be publicized. I knew that He had blessed me with a platform for a purpose, I just wasn’t sure how I was going to use it…
(to be continued…almost done!)
