Tag Archives: desperate

What Does It Look Like?: Godly Men (part 3)

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(…picking right back up where we left off. If you are just joining, read part 1 and 2 of this series before reading this portion. A continuation of 1 Timothy 3:1-7…detailing what it looks like to be a Godly man…)

“Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task. 2 Now the overseer is to be above reproach…

…faithful to but one wife,…

Read these 5 words again. Now read them a third time over. The depth of these 5 words could fill the pages of an endless novel. Be reminded, these words are Divinely inspired. These are the Words of God. God is calling man to be faithful to but one wife. Turn to 1 Timothy 3:2…it is right there in black and white. Seems simple enough, right? Ha! You don’t get off that easy, guys. You would be doing yourself a great disservice to simply skim over this passage and take these words at face value. There is much to be learned from these 5 telling words.

There is a MASSIVE difference between a Godly man’s call to leadership BEFORE marriage verses AFTER marriage. In order to understand this passage, you have to dig back and first understand that distinction. Unless you are married, you are “single” in God’s eyes. It doesn’t matter if you are dating, it doesn’t matter if you are in a relationship, it doesn’t matter if you are engaged. Until the day that you and your Divinely designed partner take a vow of unity before God, you are SINGLE. Don’t cringe. Being single is an absolutely beautiful thing.  This society makes “single” seem like some type of disease.  If people hear that you are single, their first response is this muted sigh and pitiful face. Haha, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Their ingrained reaction is to feel pity for you–the forehead wrinkles, the mouth twists into a side-smirk, the first words that roll of their tongue are typically, “Aw man, I’m sorry to hear that.” or “Really?! I never would have guessed…” Heck, occasionally you’ll even get a sympathetic hug out of it. It’s actually pretty entertaining to watch people and see the timeline of thoughts that roll through their minds. Step one: the feeling of sympathy. Step two: they comfort you, as if to assure you that someone will eventually love you someday (haha). Step three: *this step is typically marked by a little glimmer of excitement in their eyes* they recognize that you are most DEFINITELY in need of their match-making services. Step four: the hunt is on. It becomes a mission to find you someone to love. Haha, now maybe I am biased, as a female, and describing mostly how other females react. I feel like in the guy-world they hear that you’re single and the typical initial reaction is a high-five. Afterall, now you’re a perfect wing-man candidate. And now you can bang out all the chicks that you want, right? You’re free to do whatever you want. Or may they feel a little bad for you because you’re only gettin’ it from your left hand. No steady lay. Isn’t that how it works? HA! The humor lies in the truth behind those last few statements.

But there is absolute power in being single. This society typically stamps “single” with a negative connotation. Synonyms include: unattractive, unlovable, desperate…or in my case, VIRGIN. haha. But the fact of the matter is that we should celebrate being single! The label shouldn’t carry a negative connotation, it should carry respect and admiration. Why? Because in God’s eyes, prior to marriage, you ARE single. Single in your walk with Him, single in your pursuit of faith. That is exactly how He intended it. He is SO jealous for your love and SO jealous for your growth in Him, that He yearns for you to be utterly and completely in love with HIM before you ever get wrapped up in another person.  Remember the quote that I shared with you all a while back?

“A woman should never pursue a man. A woman should pursue a deeper, more intimate relationship with Christ. In turn, God will inspire the one man, designed perfectly and  specifically for her, to pursue her heart. And in his pursuit of her, he too will be drawn closer to Christ.”

Guys, do you get what that is saying? There is no guess work in your end of the deal.  You may not admit it, but I know that men desired to be loved just as much as women do. And so often, single men grab any woman who will give them the time of day in order to create that synthetic love. In order to feel wanted, and to feel that control over another’s emotions. To feel that ingrained desire for leadership. But just stop. Take a breath. LOVE GOD. God yearns for your absolute love. Luke 10:27 tells us to “Love the Lord your God with ALL your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind…” If you can strive to do that…if you can genuinely seek that love, He will hand you the woman you are intended to marry on a silver platter in HIS timing. He WILL provide for you the woman who will change your life.  The woman who is designed from you and for you (think back to the Adam and Eve reference from the last post.) You don’t have to search desperately and turn every rock and leave a tattered wake of women behind you in your quest to manhood. You are called to live above that temptation. You are called to train yourself in your single life. Train yourself to be a Godly man. Grow in the Word and dig in the Truth and then APPRECIATE, truly, the magnificence and beauty and grace in the perfect love God presents to you in the form of your perfect wife. Man, powerful stuff.

I’ve so deviated from my initial point that it’s nuts. Haha, sorry, sometimes I just get rolling. I told you there was great depth to those 5 words. Anyways, the reason I talked so much about the glory of single-hood is because your role as a leader in your single life is to do exactly what I mentioned above. Grow, personally.  Train yourself, biblically. Strive to know Christ more. Strive to love Christ more. Strive to better yourself and prepare yourself to be a Godly man and a Godly husband–having unshakable faith that God is preparing your future wife in the same way. And recognize, that beyond a shadow of a doubt, your walk is entirely independent with Him. You are called to be a Godly man and to lead by example, but if you are not married, there is an INCREDIBLY fine line as to how much you can lead a woman. Men, the explanation of that could fill a whole other blog post. I encourage you to find a strong, male, believer who can better counsel you in the details of this principle. But, to put it quite simply, your walk and her walk MUST remain entirely distinguished and separate until the day you say “I do.” It doesn’t matter if you have been dating a girl for 10 years. You’re walks are NOT intended to intertwine while you are single.  You can lead by example, but it is not your place to become her spiritual leader or spiritual teacher. That can become a messy situation when you intertwine unmarried love with spiritual guidance. A VERY messy and misguided situation.

With all of that said, your role as a leader completely and utterly changes when you say the words, “I do.” Now, we will look deeper into the specifics of marriage at a later time, but, for the sake of this transition, let’s look back at the book of Genesis and the story of Adam and Eve. Genesis 2:24 explains marriage very poignantly in saying, “That is why a man leaves his father and his mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Woah, say what? One flesh? Yes. BOOM. There it is. The Word of God. The reason your commitment to become a Godly man and a Godly leader is SO important–when a man and a woman are married, they literally become ONE FLESH in God’s eyes. Their separate walks and united and intertwined. They are viewed as a unit. As one singular flesh. As one entity. Man oh man, men. Do you get what this means? You are called to be FAITHFUL TO BUT ONE WIFE (finally linking it back to the initial scripture). Why is this? Because in God’s eyes, when you are married, when you can call a woman your WIFE, you both are ONE FLESH.

Take a look at your body. You are one, whole flesh. If you were torn about a decision–for the sake of a decent example, let’s say that you are torn about taking another job–would it be possible for half of your body to rip away and go complete that job, while the other half of your body stays your current career? Could your torso go be a coach, while you legs are still working in a cubicle? (Okay that was a really lame example, but cut me some slack, it’s finals week and my brain is fried…) Anyways, no. It couldn’t be done. You would be destroyed. Without the guidance of your brain and the mechanics of your body all working together, you would die. And it would be incredibly painful. Apply that metaphor to a marriage. You and your wife are ONE FLESH. If you fail as a leader and take it upon yourself be unfaithful to your wife, you are ripping the legs from the torso. You will be destroyed. That flesh will be mortally wounded. Your marriage could be destroyed. Your merit as a Godly leader would be absolutely destroyed.  There is no way around it. There is no excuse or permission. Satan is REALLY good at convincing millions of people across our planet that infidelity is acceptable and that you can get away with it and that it’s worth it, but guess what…Satan’s wrong. The Word of God explicitly states that a Godly man–a Godly leader–is the brain of that “one flesh” that you and your wife become. YOU are called to be the leader. You are called to possess the character to lead properly. You are called to stifle your human desires and temptations and to be a husband and a man of integrity. You are responsible for leading your walk, as well as her walk, because in marriage they become ONE walk. You are called to be a man of discipline and to love your wife as Jesus loved the church. LOVE and LEAD in a celebrated single-hood. LOVE and LEAD in a faithful marriage.

(to be continued…)



My Story (part 4)

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“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit…” Psalms 34:18

I returned home from work that evening around 6 o’clock and made my way inside, strolling past the vacant space my dad’s truck was usually parked. I remember finding it odd that he wasn’t home yet (considering the fact that, a family man through-and-through, he was never home later than 5:30), but I brushed off the concern and made my way up the porch steps.  When I walked inside, there was an energy and tension in the house that is still difficult to describe.  The air seemed tight and still.  Wrapped up in my own thoughts and fantasies, I proceeded along my way.

Over the next few hours, my sister made her way in and out of my room.  She seemed disheveled and concerned, asking me over and over where dad was and if I had spoken to him.  I laughed off her worry and assured her he was fine, but her angst seemed to build as the minutes ticked by.  I tried calling him a number of times, but after 30 minutes of his phone going straight to voicemail, my anxiety began to rise as well. Just as I was going to make my way downstairs to talk to my mom, her very voice echoed up the steps. A voice shaken with fear, a voice that demanded attention, a voice unfamiliar.  She called us into the formal living room and we came down to find her feverishly pacing–each hastening step mirroring the hastening pace of my heart beat.

My mother’s face was as ghostly as an empty canvas.  Her cheeks were ruddy and hot, and her demeanor was so forcefully calmed that she took on the mannerisms of a marionette. I could see that she wanted to erupt, to cry out in fear, to panic and distress.  But being the woman of God and the woman of faith that she was, she remained as poised and steadfast as a she could, undoubtedly held together by Christ’s mercy alone. She proceeded to tell us of the events that had transpired in the days since New Years. She had unknowingly uncovered a secret–a lie. A lie so delicate, so intricate, so dangerous, that it had the power to destroy.  A lie so meticulously constructed through the corruption of Satan, himself, that it had overwhelmed my dad.

With no time to explain, she told us that she had been trying to call my dad all day. She took us back to her room and showed us a simple, handwritten note he had left by the phone. A note that simply read “I do love you.” and had his name signed beneath it. Mind racing, heart pounding, I found my body tensing and my nerves coiling tight. I couldn’t put the pieces together…I couldn’t wrap my head around the situation. There was so little detail, so little explanation. What was going on? Where was my dad? How were we going to get in touch with him? When was he coming home?…but there was no time to process these questions or find answers.

It was then that I noticed a blinking light on the voicemail machine by the phone and asked my mom who had called. Apprehensive and scared, she told my sister and me that she had found this voice message along with the note. She pressed the button and I immediately heard my daddy’s voice resonate through their room.  It was then that the reality and severity of the situation hit me like a ton of bricks–the instant I heard his voice.  You see, I knew it was my father speaking on the answering machine, but it was not my daddy’s voice.  It was hollow, broken, and empty.  It was a voice so desperate, so shattered, that it sounded like a stranger.  He sounded as though it was drawing every ounce of his energy and pride to muster a noise, draining his heart with each word.

He apologized on the message.  Said that he needed to drive around and clear his head.  Said that he needed to be alone for a while to figure things out. Said that he loved us and would always love us. Said that he would be home soon….Liar. His tone gave him away as soon as he said ‘home’.  I knew he was lying. I knew he was scared. I knew that we had to find him.

That was when true fear set in.  What was going on? What was this big secret? Where was my dad and how were we going to find him? What was the next clue? My mom, sister, and I sat up for hours trying to put the puzzle pieces together. Giving accounts of our day and the last time we had seen him or talked to him, calling friends and family, anyone who may know where he was, anyone who may be able to contact him.  With each lost lead, I could feel the stinging bite of Satan’s laughter. I could feel a hot tingle slide down my spine as we tried, in desperation, to put the pieces together. I could feel Satan feeding off of our fear.

When exhaustion set in, my sister and I laid down in my mom’s bed. I squeezed my daddy’s pillow tight and sucked in his aroma as deep as my lungs could muster. While my mom sat up in the kitchen making countless calls and desperately seeking help, my sister and I cried ourselves to sleep. Holding each other tight, we offered empty assurances to ease one another’s angst. Hoping that everything would just disappear. That my dad would come driving up and that all would be back to normal. Hoping that some resolve could come soon.

That was the first night that I couldn’t pray. I was too confused, too bewildered, too blindsided. I couldn’t muster the strength to reach out to a God that seemed nowhere near. And that hot tingle that had coiled around my spine only grew in intensity.

No more than a few hours into our shallow rest, my sister and I were awoken by a scream. I could hear my mom’s feet sprinting up the basement steps and a sheet of paper crackling in her hand. “Get in the car! Now! Get in the car!” I threw on my shoes and a jacket and fearfully ran to the hallway. My mom, grabbing boxes of papers, contact information, her purse and her shoes, pushed a crumpled sheet of paper into my hands and screamed for me to get in the car.

Ironing out the creases in the paper, I looked down and realized the sheet I was holding was a suicide letter she had found from my daddy…