I can remember the feeling of sliding my fingers down my throat–impossibly deep–and the pressure building in my head and face.
I can remember the disappointment when half of my hand down my throat wasn’t enough to make me gag anymore.
I can remember how much the base of the hair brush hurt.
I can remember when the vomit would roll up my throat and the blood would rush to my face and my head felt like it was going to explode.
Then I can remember the relief I felt when I sat back, tears streaming, floor and toilet splattered with self-hate and control issues.
I was imprisoned. And miserable. And broken.
And I had settled into the lie that there was no way out.
It seems like health and body issues afflict everyone. Young, old. Fat, thin.
Insecurity doesn’t discriminate. And body image issues and solutions are some of the most pervasive and misunderstood plagues in our society. ESPECIALLY our society. Our society of “magic pills”, fast solutions, and an impossibly high bar for beauty.
Screw that. Screw all of that. It’s time we take our beauty back.
The day I overcame my eating disorder was the day I opened up the Bible and realized that I don’t answer to the world, I answer to God. And God spells it out, plain and simple, that I am beautiful. That I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And that nothing is ever going to change His mind about that–so nothing should ever change MY mind about that.
I. Am. Beautiful.
Because I began to understand my beauty in His eyes, I began to understand why it was so important to take care of the temple He blessed me with. Why it was so important I fuel it well with the natural, healthy harvest He supplies. And while I wish I could have turned to Paleo 3:15 and found all the answers to my deep-seeded issues, I couldn’t. I needed to begin to process through my life and my thoughts and my choices one step at a time, and rewire my mind…one choice at a time.
I needed to educate myself, discipline myself and de-brainwash myself. (Is that a word?) It was going to take time, but I was committed to taking back my life from the world–and taking back my body from the world–and handing it all over to God.
I come across so many girls and so many women that are dealing with the same issues. It’s disgusting, really. How we prostitute ourselves to society’s standards. How twisted and warped our minds really are. We trade healthy for skinny. We trade self-esteem for a thigh gap. We trade confidence for hip bones. When did we get so off track? That we were willing to starve ourselves so we could look like the other people starving themselves on instagram.
Screw that. It’s time we take our beauty back.
I think your beautiful. And I want your body goals for 2014 to be “GET HEALTHY!”–truly healthy–first and foremost.
Maybe your struggling through an eating disorder. Maybe you’re exhausted from trying to keep up with the world’s standards. Maybe you’re feeling sick and crappy and insecure. Maybe you’ve put on bad weight and can’t stand the feeling. Maybe you’re thin and unhealthy and struggling to maintain muscle tone. Whatever your issue may be, it doesn’t define you.
You. Are. Beautiful.
So stand up, pop a middle-finger to the cover of our Vogue magazine (don’t tell anyone I told you to do that…) and shout out “SCREW THAT! IT’S TIME TO TAKE MY BEAUTY BACK!”